[When watching TV, please keep the lights on and watch from a distance.]
[Note: This image was drawn by Koji Ohishi, author of Maison De Penguin]
[By Baka Hiko]
[Maison De Penguin]
[A girl who can see the future and a ninja with hemorrhoids. The ending of the story cannot be changed...]
[And we're using a new ending song from this episode on. So please watch all the way to the end.]
If a samurai is a dog, then a Shinobi is a cat.
A dog is loyal to his master.
They're loyal, faithful, and have a sense of duty.
A dog will sacrifice his life for the sake of his master.
He takes pride in living an honorable life.
However...if he loses his master, he also loses his path in life.
Cats are different.
As long as it's kept fed, a cat will call anyone master.
Ours is neither a beautiful nor ugly life. In it...
we are only attached to our skills as Shinobi.
Our supreme joy is perfecting our Shinobi skills into the ultimate art.
[Nin Nin Pizza]
And once again, the cat is on the prowl tonight.
Lots of time to spare. A perfect job.
["The Preview Section in JUMP is Always Unreliable"]
My hemorrhoids!
What? Not again?
What's with this scooter? Are people drawn to it?
You again?! Who the hell are you?!
What have you got against my butthole?!
Nothing. But it seems like my scooter got sucked into your anus.
Quit talking about my butthole like it's some parking stall!
Oh damn, my delivery!
I don't have time for this!
Huh? Hey!!
Will I make it in time?!
Excuse me! I have a delivery from Nin Nin Pizza!
My nanny will find out. Be quiet.
Umm... I'm delivering a pizza.
That's JUMP.
Why that jerk!!
I'm sorry, I'll get it back right away...
Never mind. I've wanted to read this week's issue anyway.
Thank you.
By the way,
your buttocks will suffer a great misfortune.
Be careful.
What?
Hey! Gimme back my JUMP!
What the hell do you want? Really? What is it?!
I carried your pizza all the way over here and that's all you have to say to me?!
Why're you eating it?!
You're mistaken.
It's like the pizza wants to be sucked into my mouth...
You're the one sucking it up!
No, I'm not. Man, it's like it wants to melt in my mouth...
Your brain is what's melting!
Damn it, there's not a decent samurai around!
You hear all kinds of noble talk about Bushido and "the way of the samurai",
but when you actually meet one, whatever good impressions you had go down the crapper.
It's like when that jerk Jaian does something good, he seems like a fantastic guy.
[Note: He's referring to the characters, Jaian (a bad guy) and Shizuka (a good guy), in Doraemon]
But when sweet Shizuka-chan does something bad, she seems awful.
In the Shinobi world,
this is called "The Truth Behind Jaian Looking Like a Nice Guy in the Movie Version."
[Note: This refers to Jaian in Doraemon. In the TV series, Jaian is always the antagonist, but he shows a redeeming side in the movie.]
How are you faring, Zenzo?
Piece of cake. An easy target. I can get in from anywhere.
If you like, I can even infiltrate it tonight.
No wonder your alias is "Marishiten." You are truly a Shinobi among Shinobi,
[Note: Marishiten is a Buddhist deity. A patron goddess of warriors.]
I was right to recruit you.
And? Just who is that kid, Saizo?
Okuni the Clairvoyant.
At a tender age, she mastered
various arts of divination including Yin-Yang fortune-telling and I-Ching.
[Note: I-Ching is an ancient Chinese cosmology/philosophy tome that describes a system to identify order in the chaos of random events.]
She has predicted the occurrence of many events.
A shrine maiden prodigy.
Get rid of Ravedoor stocks!
[Note: Refers to Livedoor, a Tokyo internet service provider that was charged with securities fraud.]
Poriemon will be arrested in a few days!
[Note: Refers to Livedoor, a Tokyo internet service provider that was charged with securities fraud.] [Note: Livedoor was founded by Takafumi Horie, nicknamed Horiemon.]
I understand. Thank you, Okuni-sama!
This is just a token of my appreciation.
She is a tree upon which gold grows.
We have great use for her. And my new master is quite taken by her.
A kidnapping, eh? We Oniwabanshu have fallen quite low.
But only we are capable of pulling this off.
Kidnapping someone who can foresee such a scheme.
Aren't you tempted to try it, Zenzo?
Here is an advance.
The remainder will be paid upon completion of the job.
Huh? This is Porraginol.
[Note: Refers to Borraginol; a brand name for hemorrhoid cream.]
I know I asked for Porraginol. But this one's the cream!
I asked for the suppositories! And hey, this one's all used up!
Really, even Shinobi are jerks.
After living in the regular world away from the secluded world of the Shinobi for so long...
I'm painfully aware of just how terrible the Shinobi world was.
It's like watching the TV version of Jaian after you've already seen the movie version.
In the Shinobi world,
this is called the "You're Back to Your Old Ways Jaian,
But I Won't Forget How You Were in the Movie" phenomenon.
I've been expecting you.
You're an interesting kid. I guess you really can predict everything.
What's so interesting about that?
There's no fun to life when you can see the future.
You knew I was coming yet you didn't run away.
Is that because you knew I didn't intend to do anything today?
This week's issue!
Sorry about the pizza the other night.
I'm very commited when it comes to completing a job.
[Note: The manga panels were drawn by Koji Ohishi, author of Maison de Penguin.]
How strange.
I have the power of divination and can foresee many things.
But I cannot predict what will be in the next issue of JUMP.
Oh, really?
I didn't foresee this. I didn't see that Maison de Penguin would end.
[Note: A manga serialized in SHONEN JUMP.]
Is that what you meant?
This is so much fun.
Say, can you bring me another one next time?
I'm rarely allowed to go out, so I can't go buy it.
The next time I come, it will be to kidnap you.
Let's see. I'd like a Shojo manga next time.
[Note: Shojo manga is manga created for the young girl audience.]
Shojo manga have been pretty extreme lately, so the nannies only let me read JUMP.
You're not gonna run away?
It's useless to run away, right?
I don't need clairvoyance to see what's coming next.
To see what lies in my future.
No matter where I go, I cannot escape.
I've grown accustomed to being used, as well as foreseeing it.
Wherever I go, the same future awaits me.
This power...I wish I never had it.
Okuni-sama!
Oh, it's my nannies. You'd better go.
It'll be troublesome if they see you.
Yeah, all right. Thanks.
Oh wait...
It's a promise. Next time bring me a Shojo manga.
And so, I've been sensing an unknown shadow near Okuni-sama lately.
I think it's highly unlikely, but there's a possibility that it's an assassin.
And you want to hire the Odd Jobs as her bodyguards?
Precisely.
Sure, if you're gonna pay us,
we'll do anything whether it's babysitting a kid or taking care of the elderly.
But just who is this Okuni-sama?
Okuni-sama is a special child who can foresee the future.
Seriously?
She can predict the future? Then let's ask her to foretell our future!
We just want you to guard her!
I do not need to be protected!
Okuni-sama!
How can you say you don't need any protection?!
We are only thinking of your safety!
She's...?
She's still so young. She's probably never even fallen in love.
Neither have you.
Misfortune will befall them if they get involved with me.
What are you saying?!
Now hurry and return to your room.
Hold it!
If you can really foretell the future, predict something right now!
You are right. You there, with the glasses, watch your head.
Huh? Me?
Whoa!!
She was right!
What was that?! You just hit me because of what she said, didn't you, Kagura?!
I'm serious this time.
Okuni-sama, what must I do to acquire hoards of money?
Do not worry. You will get it immediately.
Immediately...?
Stop your foolishness!
And start guarding Okuni-sama 24 hours a day!
Here...
For your services.
No kidding!
Remember that I told you.
Nothing good comes from getting close to me!
Oh, sorry.
You're too close to me!
No, since we don't know what might happen.
We will protect you wherever you go!
I'm going to the toilet. Let me at least go there alone!
Okuni-sama is heading for the toilet. Over!
Roger! She will arrive at the toilet in twenty seconds. Over!
Meaningless dispatches. This is so unnecessary.
Okuni-sama just made a retort. Over.
Roger. She will look exasperated from now on. Over.
It's not necessary to report every little thing.
Before she could look exasperated, she made another retort. Over.
Goodness, I can't endure this!
All green. Please make your way to the toilet.
What kind of trap can be set in a toilet?
Well, just when you're relieved, it goes kaboom.
And when you do a number two, it goes kaboom once again!
No, a little girl would never go kaboom.
How about bakyuun then?
What kind of doo-doo is that?!
Oh no, you've made me say "doo-doo"!
Okuni-sama, your dinner is ready.
Please eat your fill.
Not you three!!
No, we're just testing it for poison! This is part of our job.
He's right! We're just taste-testing it, that's all!
Seconds on this!
You're eating it all up!
And you're asking for seconds!
What're you saying?! The poison might not be limited to what's here!
Don't use soy sauce!
It's an insult to the chef!
Who cares about the chef?! The taste is too bland, stupid!
A deep-fried dish without soy sauce on it is like
Machiko Sensei without her skirt flipping up, stupid!
[Note: Machiko Sensei is an anime about a young, pretty teacher who wears a red mini-skirt; with lots of panty shots.]
Times have changed, idiot!
Consider what it would mean for the TV station, you idiot!
What's wrong with panties?! We've done our share of revealing too!
What are you talking about?!
Zenzo, you must've left a scent behind. Now that kid has bodyguards.
Humph, not to worry. We're proceeding tonight, as scheduled.
Gin-chan, I'm so sleepy.
Too bad, Kagura-chan. This is work.
Still...
That girl reads the same issue of JUMP over and over again.
Listen, Shinpachi...
JUMP is a magazine you must read over and over again...
because you can't control yourself.
No kidding?
That's just like grown-up love where you have a wife,
but keep meeting your lover over and over again.
No. That's Shonen JUMP, so it's totally different from grown-up love.
Well, it can't be much fun reading it when you already know the ending.
Still, for some unknown reason, it's fun.
That's why it's easy to read it over and over again.
It's like doing bad on a test, but you can't wait until you get the test back.
You know...like when you mess up a math problem,
but wonder if maybe you got it right, after all.
Huh? Maybe that's not right.
Hey, don't go to sleep.
I understand.
Huh? You agree?
I mean the teacher might have made a mistake while grading.
Even if I know how things end, if I can enjoy the journey there, I should be happy.
Oh, that's what you meant?
And besides, manga endings are always pretty obvious.
Sort of like "our battle is just beginning."
It's never the way I hope it would end.
However, that doesn't make me sad. It's just like living.
Living, eh?
You're right. Manga endings might always be the same.
Don't you agree?
However...
When it comes to life, neither you nor I are mere readers. We're the writers.
We can change...
the ending.
Crap, I'm such a worthless guy.
This power...I wish I never had it.
It's not that I don't think it's tragic.
It's not as though I don't want to help her.
However, when my body moves faster than my thoughts...
When my emotions disappear...
and my body becomes a mere tool with which to carry out a job...
When my body melds into the darkness...
I feel truly alive.
I am a cat to the core.
Impressive.
No wonder he was once the leader of the Oniwabanshu.
He singlehandedly took control of the mansion.
There's no need for us to get involved.
No...
Okuni-sama!
Intruders in the mansion!
I know.
Huh?!
Gin-san!
No problem. If they come here, we'll fight them.
Newspapermen or dairymen, we'll take care of them.
Oh... You're very confident.
Hey, hey, what brings you here at this hour?!
Are you laundry men?
Want me to call you Ken-chan?
[Note: Refers to the "Kato-chan Ken-chan Gokigen TV" which featured funny home videos similar to America's Funniest Home Videos.]
That girl is Okuni the Clairvoyant. She is coming with us!
Okuni-sama!
Huh? You came to collect her? So you just barge into someone's house like this?
I didn't pay.
[Note: Refers to NHK - national television station bill collectors who make home visits to collect fees.]
But I don't watch your programs.
If you won't listen, then we'll just use force. Get them!
Take me where you will. I'm prepared.
First, I want to ask you a question.
Your power of clairvoyance... I want you to foretell something for me.
There!!
Zenzo-dono, she is the clairvoyant...
What...is this?!
What are the odds of me winning if I betray those guys and come over to your side?
St...
Stop. Or you'll die!!
Sounds good. That'll make fighting them more worthwhile.
You traitor!
Never mind me. Make your escape!
Escape? Where? Are there some things you can't see?
Zenzo, you haven't changed at all.
You are a pitiful man who cannot live unless it's amidst death.
I know what you're like.
And I know to be cautious when dealing with an extremely sharp sword.
Sorry, Saizo. Cats are fickle creatures.
Zenzo, you're not a cat. You're a cat monster!
As expected from someone who injects medicine up his butt everyday.
Your aim is perfect.
I don't inject it! I use suppositories!
Whatever, whether it swells or bursts, you still have hemorrhoids!
And depending on the location and condition, the pain and the treatment differ, you idiot!
Besides, what're we talking about?!
I know you've suffered a lot from the pain of hemorrhoids. Of course, you know the treatment!
Is that all I am to you?! Hemorrhoids?!
Damn right!
Did you see that? Our attack will surge forth upon you like an overflowing toilet.
Get away from my ass!
This is it, Zenzo.
Ah...
Give it up. You can't change this ending.
When it comes to life, neither you nor I are mere readers. We're the writers.
We can change the ending.
I don't know about that.
However, I'm happy if the action is hot like in JUMP.
You fool! Pray that the netherworld has bidets!
You idiot...
I told you...
You can't change what I see... There's no ending you can change!
There is.
Wha... N-No way...
...H-How...?
Sorry. It got cut.
You won't be able to read it anymore.
[Note: This manga, Ribbon, is a very famous Shojo manga magazine.]
I'll say it over and over again. A Shinobi is a cat.
As long as he's fed, he'll follow anyone.
And he'll do rotten things without a care in the world.
Some may say we've sold out our honor.
But we adhere to certain rules others can't understand.
And so, the cat will be out on the prowl again tonight.
[Preview]
What? An undercover report on Zura?!
How dare you leave me, the star, out of this?!
Fine, I'm not an Announcer Hananoana fan anyway. I'm a Ketsuunoana fan.
[Note: Word play on ketsunoana (the female announcer) which means asshole.]
The next episode... "Eating Nmaibo Can Make You Full in No Time!"
[Note: Spoof of Japanese snack "Umai Bo." A popular stick snack that comes in many different flavors.]
[Huh? Isn't Katsura growing his hair really fast? Some people think he's wearing a wig.]
[You'll lose your hair if you keep worrying about small things like that. By the way, his nickname is Zura, not Tsura.]
[Note: A word play. Refers to the Japanese alphabet sounds "Zu" and "Tsu" which often sound similar. And Zura means wig.]